She was visiting the old city of her Alma mater after 5 years. On the roads, people crossed each other in a fashion that could only be justified by a zombie outbreak. Looking out through the dusty windshield, she could smell the dampness in the weather and the stagnancy which encompassed the not-so-upbeat life of Ahmedabad. As the green signboard heralded the arrival of her college, her heart started thumping; the nervousness of meeting someone after the last goodbye; the expectation that they would be frozen in time, capturing a part of you with them. Reverting back to the scrutiny by the security, she uttered unconsciously. Some words are etched into the memory and they flow out with slightest in-citation. She picked up her luggage and started walking into the darkness that would unleash the lush green heart of this sacred institution, the Louis Khan Plaza (LKP).
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As I started moving, my feet did not touch the wet ground or hammer the weight of my body upon it. I was drifting effortlessly and unnoticeably while the water droplets passed through my apparition. I had to be somewhere, but I was unable to figure out where or why.While I was diving upwards, the sun was plummeting to meet the horizon and the flock of birds started whirling around me: attacking me, drifting apart and then returning back ferociously, over and over again. On the cross road below, hundreds of faces were striding to reach their destinations. I was swimming in the cold evening air, and I could hear a cacophony of thoughts. Individual voices tuned into a single a frequency, making each one of them indistinguishable,and were causing a clamor in my mind.
While I write this article, I am considering women who study in few of the top institutes in the country and are part of corporate/political/social sector. Let’s call them Attitudinal Competitive and Energetic - ACE. By no means do I aim to undervalue the work done by millions of women who are passionate and who have achieved excellence in their own respective fields. Also, it would be my prerogative to set the context of this article to the Indian scenario.
Can women who are social powerhouses, intellectual, and goal oriented work together? While I discuss this thought, my focus would not only encompass behavioural mindset but also the opportunity platform that increases this barrier. An individual builds his/her own philosophies of life in the initial few years of college. With the highly skewed representation of women in higher education, there are very few women who pursue college education. This number gets even thinner in post graduation and higher level management roles. Let’s analyze the situation. ACE’s are good company to be around with. Hence, they usually get absorbed in different college groups with male majority (group formation is itself a complex area and I will write about it later). For the next few years, they get used to all the attention and it becomes a de facto of their social conduct. Now, when the group dynamics change to increase women candidates, aces feel insecure about the new entity. This is not common among male counterparts as they are not used to getting a lot of importance. Many roads can be traversed down from this junction. An ace can know the new ace and reason out her baseless complexities. In case that doesn't work out (given the other ace should also reciprocate), ace may resort to various levels of dissonance like not acknowledging the other ace or her merit or finding ways to turn the group opinion against the new ace. This set up is very common in a new college or office environment where an ace may be very critical of another ace in case her position is pressurized or they need to establish themselves. In case behavioural adjustments are smooth during these transformations, there is another reason for aces to not work closely. Personal rapport builds up when individual work together for some common goal at any formal or informal platform. Ace’s usually become part of male groups looking for diversity. Since aces are not aware of each other qualities, they are unaware of the gain in their utility by working together and hence, they rarely form a coalition. In my observation, the road for two aces to develop close ties needs a constant give and take of differentiated benefit and it needs to be greater than what can be derived by being associated with the opposite sexes. It can be anything, from a women level understanding, long term commitment friendship, different perspective, emotional support etc. Only under such circumstances, do aces work in tandem and such systems once formed are very difficult to break. My only advice to all those aces out there would be to take out time from their male satiated world and reach out to those aces who have signalled them for long term benefit. Be genuine in your approach. Working with aces is the most stable and supportive environment, if it can be achieved. She could hear a periodic voice ringing in the background, growing louder with every beat. She was in the middle of a story and then it suddenly disappeared. Someone touched her and pulled her back. The train had already reached platform 1 and she was woken up from her dream by the boogie keeper. She hastily jumped out of her seat and hit her head hard against the upper berth. Groaning, she up tied her wavy, shoulder length hair and dumped all of her belongings into her brown rusty bag. Her compartment was completely empty by now and she dragged her black suitcase towards the door. How reckless of her to sleep through the alarms and risk being carried away to the cant station. Even while self-lecturing, she mindlessly tried to remember what she was dreaming about.
The station was crowded of passengers sleeping on the platform or waiting for their trains. It was 6 am and the cold breeze of December numbed her hands. Next to the waiting room, a young boy was cautiously running with few glasses placed in the tiny circular hoops of the tray. He approached the edge of the platform, looked at the engine arriving at a snails' pace and then jumped. She stopped for a moment as he flawlessly crossed the tracks and climbed the foot hold of the Mumbai Express halting at platform 3, without spilling the tea. As he reached inside the boogies, she saw him singing and smiling on medley of noises and then disappear behind the windows. For a few seconds, she stood mystified at the gaiety in his voice. The next round of announcements brought her back to present and she started walking towards the exit. A bunch of taxi drivers were launching themselves on the outgoing passengers as she made her way out of the station. *************************************** Her eyes kept moving across the station, occasionally checking the movement of the clock hanging at the center of a mildly crescent platform; its hands circulating endlessly. Peeping through the aviators and absorbing the sepia stained scene, her frizzy hair was moving with the afternoon wind. White uniform conductors, petulant passengers and screaming vendors were asynchronously playing their parts in the play. She bent down to tie the laces of her dust smothered sneakers that carried the marks of her journey, longer than a year now! Standing upright, she performed her routine check: bags, wallet, ticket, water.
Did you feel very exhausted recently? And then, Did you feel like taking a break and enjoying the silence?
It’s so common while preparing for important exams; While working towards a project deadline. What happens after that? We take a break, relax and do everything that we had noted in our mind when time was a constrained commodity. We enjoy it for a while. Then… we get bored. There is no novelty to this life we are living. So we go back to being busy that makes the break worth aspiring for. Somehow, this pattern is similar to many other aspects of our life. Dint we madly chase that girl at the bar. Then we started living the life we dreamed of. Suddenly, it wasn't novel at all. So we break away so that some other girl at the bar will give a reason to go for the drink. We are a generation that has desire that last only for a short time, like our interests and passions. When we feel the need to put sustained effort towards it, it’s no longer a desire, since it just got transformed into one of the mundane activities in life, didn't it ? That's why 99 % hobbies do not transform into valuable expressions in life. That's why we talk of all social change we want but don’t stick to it after 2 weekends of field visit. That's why our protest does not stand chance against time demanded by bureaucracy. We have all read about this: Rome was not built in a day. But more important is that the visionaries who dreamed of Rome dint change their mind in every few days. We are all committed to chalking out a career for ourselves. We have been told that it takes time. Let’s account this buffer of time and hard work in all of our non-work related passions. Like hurdles we face in job, we will face de-motivation in our simple, unnoticeable, unrewarding goals like reading, exercising, travelling, writing, trekking, meditation, dancing, cooking. Like work we need to find right mentors and people to continue on our path. No one will monitor us. But that's why we need more attention towards it. A skill is like a small money plant. If we ignore its presence, it will wither away. If we look upon it, it will grow and spread into a big part of our life. So, If it takes being busy to bring out the best in us, let’s be busy. If it takes a sabbatical, then let’s drop a mail and leave. Whatever the means are, the aim stays the same. What is important is to consciously make an effort, yes effort. Like we were told to strive for best grades in school, best job in college and the best performance in job, the leisure time need to be revamped with pain staking effort for excellence. Why? My personal opinion beyond the obvious is that it stays with us when everything falls apart. it’s our life insurance. Mind is a like a giant supercomputer working on multiple problems simultaneously. However, it evolves so fast that if you are not conscious, you never realize the change. You can observe all that is around you or you can ignore everything and just live!
But when you start observing and penning down the common emotion, you will be exhale “ Isn't it obvious! “ It’s like you are materializing the air you feel around you! So, cutting through rest of the deep crap in my head, I will just point down few ideas that I have collected from some geeky/confused people around me. The Football field: I came upon this in my second year. College is like a football field! You are constantly on run. You will be close to one person sometime and other later. So, be OK if you drift apart from anyone. In-fact, this gives you a chance to explore new personalities and adjust to new environments. By the end of 4 years, you will find your way back to people who genuinely matter. Zombie Test: we all look for something when we meet new people. It can be a zeal for life, good nature, party factor, seriousness, love, intelligence, money or a combination of many. It’s our own selection. When you feel that someone is above your set alpha level, you try to connect to them. That’s a zombie test which you use to categorically differentiate people. Think a little bit, you already have your own Zombie Test. People change and if you have to accept that change. Don’t stereotype your friends or try to fit them in old box. You can’t accept someone’s way of life, that doesn't mean you resent them. Never tell that you won’t do something. Life goes in circles. Things you thought you would never be or do. Well guess what! You will be doing it someday. Don't have a judgment about anyone by looking at them from a small window. Give some one time and you never know when they will surprise. Few of your best friends are people you never thought about when you first met them |
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